I’ve felt down for about 5 days now and I guess it really has to do with my family? My grandma always bothers me and if I’ve talked to you about my personal life at all you know this. It’s really at the point now where I cant stand to be in the same room as her. It’s not that I don’t like her, it’s I don’t like her when she is drunk. Which considering she starts drinking at 11 am or earlier is almost 90% of the time. Then there is my mom, I love here very much, and I feel really bad for her, she needs a knee replacement/back surgery/arthritis and is almost constantly in pain. But when she is in pain she puts her problems on me, arguing with me, talking down to me, talking with a nasty tone. It’s understandable and I know you are in pain and I feel bad but please don’t take it out on me.
I’ve overall been in a down mood as well, and I don’t really know why. I sleep a long time and get a good nights sleep but i’m still tired.
I feel like my friends also don’t really care about me? I know it’s not true and it’s something I shouldn’t think, I know my friends care about more than they let on. But there has been a nagging in my brain that I can’t get rid of, that i’m bothering them, and they don’t want to hear about my life and what i’m doing. They may not notice but I really have been forcing conversation the past 2-3 days. I would rather have my answers be happy and forced than be distant and have my friends worry I guess. I feel like my problems are too pitiful and not serious enough to get them worried about it, just dumb complaints. Some of them have way worse problems than I do and most things I complain about can be put down too i’m too lazy of a fuck/lack motivation/have anxieties about doing anything. So I don’t really have a right to complain about them. And if I do complain about them what are they going to say? “awww, i’m sorry.” There really is not anything they can do to help, and if they are in a good mood/bad mood I just don’t want to bother them.
I keep going to sleep hoping to wake up and be in a better mood but it hasn’t happened yet. I am tired not just mentally, but tired of having to put on a fake smile and appear happy when I really have just felt down. I’m not even going to go into my paranoia/anxiety problems.
Maybe I should look into seeing a psychiatrist, or something.
That’s a whole entire other topic to go on about.
Something feels very off about today.
I can’t exactly pin point it, but it’s very unsettling. Maybe its because I upset my friend and did not get a good nights sleep last night. Or I texted my crush and he did not respond.. or because I took a nap and they always throw me off. Maybe because it’s so silent, online and IRL. Something feels wrong about right now and I wish I could figure it out because it’s bothering me very much so.
I would really like to improve my speech, learn more words to communicate with.
Lately I’ve really felt as if my speaking skills are lacking. I am constantly stumbling over words, abruptly end thoughts, and have trouble figuring out what I want to say.
I would like to practice my speech more.
Not an easy task when I hardly ever talk to people IRL, even worse now that I am going to be out of school.
Friends leaving for no reason.
You are not even going to say anything? Just completely stop talking to me all together? Ignore all my messages like i’m not even here?
We’ve been best friends for the past 6 years. I can understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore, but at least give me a reason why.
To just stop talking to someone without giving them a reason and without warning is rude, and selfish.
Maybe if you are that kind of person we are better off anyway
I had such a fucked up dream last night, trying to make sense of it all
The songs I feel a deep attachment/feelings over are almost exclusively songs with tribal beats? I can name 3 off the top of my head and they are all songs with a tribal beat and synths. I am wondering what it is about tribal beats that gets to me on such a personal level.
I just experienced this for the first time in a very long time.
Sometimes I listen to a song, and something in the song, just something about a certain part of the song or the entire song itself I feel like I just, relate to? On a very deep personal level, all my emotions played in musical form.
It’s extremely hard to describe but it gets to me right in my heart, some songs I just close my eyes and I will cry listening to them because I feel such a deep personal connection to them, I feel like they are a part of me.
There has been something strange with my eyes lately and i’m thinking it has to do with my new glasses. It seems every now and then I just loose focus?and find myself re-focusing on objects. and I something just bothers me when wearing these glasses I don’t know exactly what it is but I have to take them off every now and then . maybe I am just adjusting to the new prescription or am using the computer too much or something. I’ve been debating about going back to the eye doctors. Thinking i’ll wait a few days then do that.
